The PUNishment of the Vial
by Catapily
Summary: America decides to bring the fruits of his labour to the latest world meeting... A vial that can make people make puns without even noticing it! However, the vial has other consequences... And it's not just the randomness, either... Get ready for a PUNtastic story! Warnings: puns, breaking the fourth wall, Capitalia, puns that don't make sense, minor cussing, did I mention puns?
1. chapter 1

**Hi! Okay, so, I have to say, this wasn't COMPLETELY my idea. Basically what happened was me and one of my friends (I'll call her T-Tar) were fooling around on Instagram and started making puns. With the countries and capitals. So, being the general Hetalia fan I am, I decided to make it into a story.**

 **So, the format would he kind of like the actual Hetalia anime: has some sort of storyline but is mainly a whole bunch of one-shots and snippets here and there. There will be a plot, but it won't be the main focus all of the time.**

 **Also, feel free to give me advice! I'm a new writer who isn't spectacular, so any tips and criticism are appreciated! Especially languages. I only know English, French, Chinese, a tad of Norwegian and that's all. If there is something that's not one of those languages it's most likely Google Translate, and exactly how reliable is that? Flames will be given for England to cook with... And none of us want that to happen...**

 **Updates: Eh... Depends on the puns. If you guys have any, send em' over! I don't like pausing my stories for a long time. That's what usually happens, though...**

 **Disclaimer: I'll put it once. I DON'T HETALIA. Only some of the puns. Hetalia belongs to Hidekaz Himaruya. Some puns are from T-Tar. And some are from me. And maybe some are not.**

 **Have a PUN time reading this! XD**

Hetalia: The PUNishment of the Vial

Chapter 1: Why You Don't Let America Share His Medical Success

"Hey, dudes! Check this out!"

America hopped into the room, holding a small vial. As he was here a bit early and everyone else was chatting, no one heard him. Pouting, he sat in his seat next England.

"Yo, Iggy! Look at-"

"My name is England!"

America rolled his eyes. "Yeah, anyways, lookie here!"

This time England rolled his eyes. "It's a vial, you git. I've seen millions of them in my life, why are you showing one to me now?"

"Dude, it isn't just any ol' vial, it's-"

The other Nation waved him off. "You can explain during your presentation, if you don't take all of the time yelling about heroes and hamburgers. Also, don't butcher the Queen's language."

America pouted but complied, at the same time Germany told everyone to shut up. "Now, who would like to present first?"

"Hey, Germany, over here!" America shouted, bounding to the front. He slid over to Germany and gave him a thumbs-up. "I'll take the first presentation!"

"Er- If you say so," he muttered, and walked back to his spot. "Just, less details about hamburgers, okay?"

"Yep! No worries, dude. I totally got this!" America said proudly. "Alright, so! I found out that the more puns you make, the less carbon dioxide is in the air!"

"Huh?" Some people blinked.

"And that means," he continued. "No more global warming! So, we should all make puns or we'll all be _pun_ ished! Hahaha!"

"Bloody wanker, that's not how things work!" England shouted from his seat.

"I'd hate to agree with a delinquent, but I'm afraid it's true," France scoffed.

"Frog! Want to fight another Hundred Year War?!"

"But don't worry! I know some of you guys are in denial, so I made this!" America lifted the vial in the air. "This liquid-serum thingamajigy makes people very punny! I used my super-awesome science tricks to make this!"

"Wait a tick," England argued. "If you can somehow spout this nonsense about a serum that can make us fluent in wordplay, and of it's true, then how the hell can't you find a cure for all of those diseases?!"

"I have a Ph.D. in Puntology, not Medicine, duh!"

"Ve~ I want to try it out!" Italy cheered at reached for it. He slipped right after touching it.

The vial fell from America and Italy's hands and crashed onto the table, creating a puff of pink mist. Some Nations scooched away from it.

"Sweet! Now we can test this out!"

"Sì!"

England jumped up in annoyance and anger. "We are not your lab rats, you git!"

"I won't _rat_ you out!" America said. "And I'd _rat_ her not do that!"

"YAAAH! Everyone's fainting, help me!"

America and England turned around just in time to see Italy faint in a cloud of pink before they fainted themselves.

Later...

France groggily lifted his face up from the floor, hearing whispers.

"..why are we here..."

"...elections..."

"...up.."

"Hey, he's waking up... Wake up!" A bright voice pierced through the other murmurs. "Lève-toi! France!"

France opened his eyes. He wasn't sure if he wanted to or not.

In front of him was a very familiar, brown-haired girl.

"PARIS?!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Second chapter! Wow, this is fast. FASTEST I EVER UPDATED WOOHOO!**

 **Bumped this up to a T, 'cause I just realized it's impossible for this to be a K if Romano has a lot of parts in this. And so far (in planning), it seems like he does. Just for a few swears, guys! Won't be using them too much.**

 **Yeah, not many puns in here either. But that's just to advance the story! Next chapter there's more puns.**

 **And I mean a lot of them. 'Cause it's gonna be chaos.**

 **If you guys don't get any of the puns, I'll put an explanation at the bottom. Translated words are also at the bottom.**

 **Happy reading!**

 **Warnings: A swear in French. And craziness. And glitter. That's about all.**

Chapter 2: Glitter of DOOM

"PARIS?!"

France looked around, wondering why his Capital was here. It seemed that whoever wasn't fainted on a chair or the floor was a Capital. He spotted London checking his watch, Rome and Venice chatting with each other, and Beijing coughing in the corner. He wasn't the only one to notice though. Other Nations were starting to stir from all of the excitement and noise. America was the next to wake up. He jumped up in shock.

"WHOA! It's a _Paris_ ite!" America exclaimed, pointing at Paris.

"Hé! I'm not a parasite!" Paris retorted hotly.

"That was a pun~!" America singsonged.

"...Merde."

"Paris! What did I say about swear words?!" France yelled.

"I don't do puns!" Paris retorted. "You know what? I don't even know why I'm here. I'm Lon _done_ with this!"

London turned around. "Did someone say my name?"

"No swearing!"

"...Zut."

"Dude! France! The vial totally worked! WOOHOO!" America cheered and pumped a fist in the air.

"You wanker! Do you realize what you did?!" England shouted, standing up and marching over to America.

"Duh! Of course I do! I dropped the vial and made everyone say puns! Even the Capitals! It's so cool! Global warming'll be gone in no time flat!"

"I dropped the vial too!" Italy cried in joy.

"ITALY! That is not something to be proud of!" Germany shouted at him, causing Italy to cower and mumble apologies.

"It's awesome!" Prussia added in.

"Awesome? This is vile! Our speech is now tainted by your failure of scientific experiments!"

"Don't you mean it's _vial_?" Prussia cackled. England smacked his head and retreated to a corner.

"If Iggy made a pun, then this thing is totally awesome!" America cheered. "Dude, this has gotta be the greatest scientific discovery ever!"

"MY NAME IS NOT IGGY!"

"I wonder where the Capitals came from, aru..." China added in.

"He's not a Capital..." Canada muttered and pointed at Vancouver.

"Ottawa's on vacation. I don't know why I'm here," he shrugged.

"Everyone! Please calm down!" Japan tried to say over the chaos, but ultimately failed.

"If they don't listen, I can hit them with my pipe, da?" Russia asked Japan.

"I-um! Please don't," the latter muttered. He made his way over to America. "America-san, did you add anything that might have made all of the Capitals come?"

"Nope! Just glitter!"

"Glitter?"

"Oui, glitter!" Paris yelled from across the room. "Glitter that brings us here in a woosh and flies the door shut!"

"Wait a tick," England walked over to the door and pressed his palms against it. Norway and Romania came over but didn't do anything.

After a while, America started blabbing again, this time to Denmark and Prussia. "Dude, Puntology rocks! Life's gonna be more punny with the puns!"

"What about archaeology? Doesn't that rock too?" Prussia added. The trio started laughing.

"Nope! I _wood_ rather go canoeing!" Denmark interjected. Norway came over and started choking him.

"You're annoying, anko."

"AMERICA!" Romania shouted from across the room. "Where did you get the glitter?"

"I dunno," he shrugged.

"HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW?!" England shouted.

"That's irresponsible!" China added. "If you don't know where it's from, it could be very dangerous! Just like Russia."

"Did I hear my name?" Russia rushed over.

"Wo mei shuo," China muttered.

"That makes sense," Romania said. "If he doesn't know where it came from, then he doesn't know where it came from. So we don't know anything."

"Since when did you turn into Sherlock Holmes?!"

"Wait..." Italy raised a white flag. "So we're stuck here?"

"Yup!" America cheered.

Then the room fell into chaos.

"But I need to go to the bathroom!"

"I won't stay in the same room as Angleterre!"

"Neither will I, frog!"

"I wish I can get my violin..."

"RUSSIA'S TOO SCARY!"

"Do you think we should, like, paint this place pink?"

"I'm glad that I brought some manga..."

"Ve~ But I need pasta!"

"Buono tomato, buono tomato..."

"OI! TOMATO BASTARD! Stop singing my song!"

"EVERYBODY SHUT UP!" Germany slammed his hands on the table, everyone looked at him and shutted up, and he went on a long rant.

As usual.

"Now, the first thing we should do is to open the door, otherwise we could be stuck in a horrible situation. Anyone who wants to kick down the door go ahead, but make sure you don't kick anyone's head! Also, if that doesn't work, propose a solution and work on it immediately, understand?! While that happens, the rest of us should find a way to stop all of these... Puns, and to make sure no more... Uninvited come. If anyone would like to propose a solution to the puns, it should be done while the door is not being kicked so we can hear you, ist das is klar?!"

And so, people went to kick the doors and others to harass America scientifically. Then there are people who do nothing at all.

"Well, I think this could be a great time to get to know some of these Capitals," France said or loud while walking over to Vancouver. "Bonjour! Je suis France, pleasure to meet you. Who are you?"

"I'm Vancouver," Vancouver said.

"Pardon?"

"Je. Suis. Vancouver," Vancouver said slowly, this time mimicking a French accent.

"Vanc? Ou ver?" France asked. Vancouver facepalmed.

"I'm Vancouver! Just Vancouver!"

"His name is just Vancouver," Canada walked by and said.

"D'ac... Wait, who just talked to me?!"

Vancouver rolled his eyes.

 **Translations:**

 **Hé (French): Hey**

 **Merde (French): Shit**

 **Zut (French XD I speak French, so yea...): Shoot**

 **Anko (Japanese): Translates to big brother, according to Hetalia. Norway calls Denmark this often.**

 **Wo mei shuo (Chinese): I didn't say anything. Also my Chinese sucks (even if I learned it before) so if someone could check if this is right THANKS YOU.**

 **Buono tomato (Italian): Literally, good tomato. Buts it's from Romano's song so it's not supposed to make sense XD**

 **Bonjour! Je suis France (French): Hello! I am France.**

 **D'ac (French): Okay**

 **Ist das klar: Is that clear (that's Google Translate. If that doesn't make sense, don't blame me.)**

 **Puns:**

 **It's a _Paris_ ite: Parasite, Parisite. I think Pokemon used this pun somehow too. I don't remember. **

**Lon _done_ : Londondone. **

**It's vial: Swap England's "this is vile" with "this is vial." Maybe I should've added viral in their XD**

 **Punny: PunFunny. It's overused, I know.**

 **Archaeology rocks: I think you can figure this out. Well, you can figure all of these out XD**

 **I wood rather go canoeing: Swap wood with would.**

 **Vancouver: T-Tar found this. Vancouver in French is pronounced different than in English. It's like "Vahn-coo-airh." So, if you say it in French, it sounds like "Vanc ou ver" which is, in English, "Vanc or ver?" Yeah, it's weird. Basically, France is confused about Vancouver's name XD. I wonder if something like this happens in other languages...**

 **Oh, and also! Thanks for the reviews, follows and favourites! Even if it's only a few, I literally just started. And I know how hard it is to get reader attention in large fandoms like Hetalia. (Pokemon... AHH!) It helps me a lot! Inspiration is how I write! Kinda. Yeah.**

 **I shall now end this incredibly long AN here! Bye guys!**


	3. Chapter 3

**WHOA A MONTH I'M SO SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE. BUT I GOT A LEGIT REASON TO BE LATE AND A LEGIT REASON TO BE MAD. Long story short: school happened, finals happened. I've got a rant coming, so if ya don't wanna read that, just skip ahead to the non-bolded parts. Also, warning for this chapter- kind-of swear words? Watch out little kiddies, don't read this story. Profanity is everywhere in Hetalia.**

 **Okay, so you know how I mentioned finals? Well, I had my Math final on the Monday right after Father's Day. So I was studying. Usual. And then my mom pops out of NOWHERE, and tells me to make a birthday card for someone who's birthday is two weeks away (sometimes this week, I think it was yesterday). Plus, this guy/girl/person doesn't even really care about birthday cards! So, I didn't get to study. And, my math mark got lowered. I got 40/54 (74%) on my final (which SUCKS, but it isn't the lowest mark I've gotten on a test. Keep reading for the other horrible one) AND it lowered my percentage by 4%. 4%! Yeah. I was pissed. I went from a 92 to 88. Luckily that's still an A, but still! 11% lower than what I had in first term! (Yeah, I had 99% at one point. If you know who I am in real life, you can probably figure out who I am). And I lost my placement as top of the class by 2%. REALLY. AND IT WAS ALL A FREAKING BIRTHDAY CARD.**

 **Ahem, anyways. To put this in perspective, Math is usually my best mark (that or Band or FRAL), and so far I think it's my lowest. It was my highest at one point at 99%. Like, really. And, I suck at Science but I SOMEHOW got 96% on the exam, 90% final. And I got 6/12 on one of the tests! It's just so weird!**

 **Well, it's life, I guess. Also, the word count is lying, due to that rant. But onto the story!**

Chapter 3: Of Airheads and Bubblegum-Glitter

America walked over to the glitter-infested door, where Germany, Prussia, Denmark, Cuba, Sweden, Russia, Netherlands, England, Norway, Romania, China, and a plethora of Capitals (plus Venice, who wasn't exactly a Capital) were standing and mercilessly beating on the door. Or, trying to. America was pretty sure that the door would've been ashes by now.

"Yo!" America jumped and planted his feet right next to Prussia, Germany and Denmark. "Whoa. How come you dudes can't break down the door yet?"

Germany sighed. "Well, you see-"

Denmark smashed his fist into the glittery-pink door, only to have his fist stuck onto the glitter. When he pulled his hand back, his glove was stuck in the substance. "That happens."

Prussia jerked his thumb over to his brother. "He chewed me out for getting my boot stuck down there. And this isn't even gum! It's glitter! And I'm too awesome to be chewed out!"

"What about your axe?" America asked Denmark.

"Stuck." He pointed a bit higher up, where the axe blade was stuck in the goopy material, the handle dangling off. Copenhagen was currently trying to jump up and grab the axe for his... Brother? Father? Long-lost cousin? Nation. America really didn't know how the family relationship between Nations and Capitals work.

"DAMMIT!" Copenhagen shouted as he missed the handle and almost crashed into the bubblegum-like, glitter infested door.

Denmark walked over and put a hand on the shorter Capital's shoulder. The Capital turned around. "What?"

"I've got some bad news for you."

"Eh?" Copenhagen turned around, facing him. "What bad news? Tell me!"

Denmark smirked. "Only problem is, I don't think you can _Cope_ nhagen with it!"

Copenhagen was left, jaw agape. "But... But..." Quickly recovering, he glared back. "Well _Den_ mark, I'll be leaving now, so-"

"But my name isn't Mark!"

"And I can't get out of here!"

Norway walked over to them, brushing past New York (who again, wasn't exactly a Capital. Maybe Ottawa and Washington had an important meeting with their bosses?) and London, sighing. "You're both so airheaded."

"HEJ!" They shouted simultaneously.

"You're the one who still talks with your trolls even though no one else does!" Denmark continued. "So, you're an airhead too!"

"...Touché," Norway muttered.

"Dude, you're not French," America butted in.

"Oui! That's because I am!" France exclaimed.

"Et moi!" Paris joined in.

"...Farvel," Copenhagen muttered, annoyed, before twisting his hand on the doorknob and attempting to open it. Unfortunately, since the door was glitter-glued shut, he only ended up slamming himself up against the door. He stuck on to the pink glitter substance.

"...Well, this is a sticky situation," he mumbled against the door. "DAN! Hjælp mig!"

"Wait! Let me get my axe first!" Denmark shouted, jumping for his ace which he had thrown way higher than Russia and Sweden's head.

At the same time, China ran towards the door, his giant frying pan in one hand and clutching a panda in the other. Swinging the pan at the door, he let out a mighty "HIYAAAAAAAA!"

Denmark managed to grab onto the handle of the axe, but he couldn't get it down. Trying avoid getting his boots stuck in the glitter (like Prussia did), he looked down to call for help. Unfortunately, when China's pan hit the door, Denmark fell with the snapped axe handle, while the blade was still stuck on the door. China's pan hitting the door resulted in an almighty "crash," but, just like Denmark's axe, the top stuck onto the glittery mess of a door and the handle broke off.

"Aiya! My frying pan!" China exclaimed.

"Really?" Denmark sighed, and tossed the now useless stick over his head, hitting Reykjavik in the process.

"HEY! Watch where you're throwing!" Mr. Puffin cried out angrily from where he, Iceland Reykjavik where standing- or flying, in Mr. Puffin's case.

"I guess they just couldn't _handle_ it!" America cackled. Denmark and China glared at him. Well, they weren't the only owns glaring at him. "What?"

"You know, I usually defend you guys, but..."

"This is all your fault, aru!" China interrupted Denmark. "Aiya... You Western Nations are so immature..."

"Wait. How is it my fault?" America asked.

"Um, vial? Glitter? Puns? And random Capitals?" Denmark reminded.

America paused for a moment. "Oh. Don't worry, guys! I'll find ya a new axe and frying pan, 'cause I'M THE HERO!" Dashing off without acknowledging anyone else, America went to find the only other person that he knew wielded a giant axe- Spain.

"Hey! Spain! Can I have your axe?" America bounded over to Spain, who was throwing tomatoes at the door. Romano stood next to him, passing tomatoes to his boss from a crate that Rome was holding.

"Hola, América!" Spain waved at him. "Why do you need my axe?"

America rubbed the back of his head, a sheepish smile on his face. "Well, I need a replacement for Denmark's axe and China's pan, since they got on the door because of my awesome glitter glue. But really! Glitter's so cool! What's wrong with it?"

Romano rolled his eyes. "Idiota. The tomato bastard's axe would just get stuck there too."

"So it's a no?" America asked.

"It's a Roma _no_ ," Spain corrected him. His eyes widened. "...Oops."

Luckily (or unluckily, America wasn't sure what to make of the situation) for them, Romano disappeared somewhere. Rome sighed. "I hope he isn't _Rome_ ing around somewhere..."

"Ha! Pun!" America laughed. "I win! Gimme your axe!"

"You guys didn't bet..." Rome muttered.

"Eh, why? It's at home, I can't get it!" Spain exclaimed, confused.

America sighed, and walked off. "You're being such a S _pain_ in the ass today... Well, I guess gotta go find a pan now! The hero will save the day! And will find an axe eventually!"

America's search for an axe and a pan; to be continued!

 **I just realized, this is the most I've updated in a day- 3. 2 for Book of Malevolence and 1 for this story. WOOHOO!**

 **I was actually gonna make this chapter longer, but I decided to cut it in half since I didn't want to leave ya guys hanging. And I really wanted to update today.**

 **Anyways; translations:**

 **Hej- Hey in Danish. (Again, all Danish is Google Translate plus me trying to see if it kind of makes sense by my mini-knowledge of Norwegian. You have been warned.)**

 **Touché- This doesn't really need to be translated, since it's also an expression in English. It's basically what you say when someone points something bad out about someone and that it is true. I think. I DON'T KNOW I GET MIXED UP SO MUCH AAAH. Feel free to correct me on that.**

 **Oui- Yes in French.**

 **Et moi- And me in French.**

 **Farvel- Bye in Danish.**

 **Hjælp mig- Help me in Danish.**

 **Hola, América- Hi, America in Spanish. (Once again, Google Translate.)**

 **Idiota- Idiot in Italian.**

 **Puns:**

 **Prussia getting chewed out- This isn't exactly a pun, but since there is glitter-glue gloop on the door that's sticky like bubblegum, he got scolded by his brother for getting his boot stuck in it. Yeah.**

 **Copenhagen and Denmark: Basically, "I don't think you can cope with it" and "well then, I'll be leaving now." Yup. By T-Tar. I'll admit this one was pretty clever.**

 **Handle- Axe handle, pan handle, couldn't handle it.**

 **Roma _no_ \- Romano has a no in it. That's it. **

**Romeing- Replace Romeing with roaming. Ahahahha.**

 **S _pain_ in the ass- Pain in the ass. Yup. (And now I can't stop laughing because pain in French is bread so...)**

 **See y'all next time!**


	4. Chapter 3 and a Half

**After reading this, I find it very sad that the AN takes up so much space each time. So, FEEL FREE TO SKIP IT! Or read all of my useless thoughts. Your choice.**

 **Because I _was_ going to write a one-shot for Canada's 150th, BUT my mom decided to drag me downtown to see all the festivities. It was crazy. And we ended up staying there for like, 5 hours. And then we went to dinner. Soo, I got back at 9, and was feeling super lazy. And then I fell asleep. The story of my life. **

**Also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY/ANNIVERSARY, CANADA! 150 WOOHOO! I might end up finishing that one-shot and posting it tomorrow, since we get a long weekend for the 150. WOOHOO! CANADIAN AND PROUD! Also Happy 4th of July to our neighbours down in the US! Everybody gotta stay safe! ...And I think Belarus' national/flag/whatever-they're-called day is on July the 3rd...? Correct me if I'm wrong, but happy holidays/celebrations/I don't even know anymore to you too.**

 **Can Day? That was when my friend couldn't talk for some reason and I found it super funny. Yeah.**

 **Also, just for reference real quick, apparently Grande Prairie, Alberta, is the town/city in Canada with the most crimes, and Montreal, Quebec, is the one with the most prominent police force. You'll see why I put this here L-ATER.**

 **On a random side note, I got a blast of nostalgia and went through a whole bunch of my liked playlist on YouTube. So basically, I've been watching literal everything- Hetalia, Mario, Sonic, Kirby, some other stuff, heck even 50 Ducks In a Hot Tub (I AM A DUCK AND SO ARE YOU)! Welp, that's the first time I've ever been super interested in all (or most) of my fandoms at the same time. Usually I jump back and forth. I really don't wanna jump out of Hetalia yet, though.**

 **By the by, this chapter is more of an random interlude stuck in the story. That's why it's 3.5! I kept the descriptions of the Capitals really vague, so you guys could imagine them yourselves. Also, how do you spell Kuma's name? Kumajiro or Kumajirou? I've seen both, so I don't know...**

 **Warnings: Um... A teensy bit of PruCan... READ IT AND SEE. I SAY IT'S STUPIDITY BUT IT'S YOUR CHOICE. Anyone from Ottawa, I am so sorry. PLEASE DON'T TAKE ANY OFFENCE I JUST HAD TOO MUCH FUN WRITING HIM/HER/CAPITAL AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH-**

Chapter 3.5: What's A "Can Day"?

"WAAIIT!"

Before anyone else could move a muscle, a polar bear screamed and ran into the table, knocking down England's cup of tea. Ignoring his protests to get him a new one, the polar bear continued yelling. "You guys forgot something! It's supposed to be a _tea_ rrific- er, terrific day! It's the best day ever for someone here!"

Hushed whispers ran through the Nations and Capitals.

"Best day..."

"For who?"

"It's gotta be for me!"

"Who?"

"Who's the polar bear?"

"It isn't America's birthday yet..."

"It's only the first day of July!"

"A tea day?"

"Ahem," the polar bear cleared his throat. "I am Kumajirou, and today is... CANADA DAY! Or, as I like saying it, CANADAY!"

An awkward silence blanketed the room. Finally, somebody had the galls to say it.

"Who?" Asked Turkey.

"HAPPY ANNIVERSARY CANADAA!!!" Someone burst open from the doors, knocking Copenhagen off the glitter-glue-substance-whatever-it-is infested door and dropping the axe blade and frying pan head onto Denmark and China's heads, respectively.

"HOW DID YOU BREAK DOWN THE DOOR?!" Germany yelled.

"Because I don't stop when I party for Canada-papa!" The new arrival, revealed as Ottawa, replied, picking up Kumaijrou. Glaring at Turkey, he added, "and maybe you'll be the turkey for dinner."

"Wait!" America shouted. "I thought you usually eat Turkey at Thanksgiving or Christmas!"

"Hey! You don't eat me, you eat turkey!" Turkey retorted.

"Same difference!" America waved it off. "Plus, what is Can Day?"

Vancouver and Ottawa glanced at each other. "Should we call Grande Prairie for some backup?" Ottawa whispered to Vancouver.

"Too dangerous. I vote Montreal instead. Plus, we're not out in the _prairie_ , much less a _grand_ one," Vancouver replied. Realizing his words, he smacked himself in the face, mumbling, "Why do we always get punned on?"

"I don't!" Ottawa exclaimed.

"You don't?" Prussia asked. "Kesesesese! Well then, I'll just have to make one up! Hm... Do you _sea_ that _Otter_ wa?"

"What Ottawa, I'm the only one here... Hey, wait a minute!" Ottawa yelled back. Prussia just kept on cackling. Fed up, Ottawa continued. "You know what? I'm calling GP! Actually, no, I'm calling Montreal!" He grabbed Vancouver's wrist and started dragging him to the door, which nothing and no one seemed to want to get close to it, for some reason.

"GUYS!" America shouted before the two could get through the door. "What's a Can Day?"

"Ooh! Maybe it's a day that we compete in who can find the most cans! I hope I can find some pasta!" Italy cheered.

"Italy-kun, I doubt that anyone would make such a day..."

"AW YEAH! I'm gonna beat everyone at this! _Can_ you guys beat me, 'cause if ya _can_ 't believe that I will I guess I'll just hafta-"

" _CAN_ IT!" England roared at America.

"Um, guys?" Vancouver jumped up onto the table again, with Kumajirou and Ottawa. He tried avoiding over the bickering Nations again. "Guys? Guys?? Guys??? Guys?! GUYS?! **GUYS?!?!?!** Oh, you know what never mind, I'll leave this job to Kumajirou." And with that, Vancouver hopped off the table.

 **"EVERYBODY SHUT UP!"** Germany and Kumajirou shouted at the same time. Shocked that someone else was shouting the exact same thing, Germany paused right after. However, Kuma kept on blabbing on.

"Alright! Listen up! Who's day is it? It's CANADA'S! Who's anniversary is it? It's CANADA'S! Who is America's invisible twin? It's CANADA! Who do you buy all our maple from? From CANADA! Where were the Olympics in 2010? In CANADA!"

"And me!" Vancouver added, real quick.

"Who is he? He's CANADA!"

Kuma left them in silence to digest it all. Suddenly, one person spoke up.

"Who?" Greece asked, who had slept through the whole thing.

And then all hell broke loose.

"I'm gonna win this can contest so fast that the landfills'll be begging for me to put them back at their job!"

"You git, that's not how life works!"

"Your eyebrows are not how life works, ohonhonhon..."

"I wonder why big brother France laughs like that, ve~!"

"Kolkolkolkolkol... Don't worry, America, I will beat you..."

"Russia-san... Is it necessary to have that pipe with you?"

"Aiya! You guys are all so immature, aru. How are we even getting out of here?"

"You know what? I give up," Kumajirou announced, then hopped off the table with Vancouver and Ottawa.

"Wait, where's Canada?" Vancouver asked.

"Canada-papa's over there!" Ottawa dragged them over to a corner. When they pushed through everyone and found the starring Nation, they smiled and cheered, "HAPPY ANNIVERSARY CANADA!"

Canada looked up from his plate of pancakes and smiled. "Thanks." Setting the plate down, he then pulled the three into a hug. "Thanks for remembering me. I wish Montreal was here, though..."

"Hey, uh..." Canada looked up and saw Prussia walk over. He was holding up two plates of pancakes, one with the syrup spelling out "150." With a lopsided smile, he said, "happy anniversary!" and handed him a plate of pancakes.

"Golly, you didn't have to do this, Prussia," Canada blushed a bit and accepted the pancakes. "No one hardly recognizes me anyway."

"Kesesesese~ It's your 150, it's pretty special, since you are one of the younger Nations," Prussia said, "and since you like pancakes too, you're awesome. Not as awesome as the awesome me, but close."

Canada blushed slightly. "Thanks..."

"By the way," Vancouver asked Prussia, "how come you like pancakes so much?"

Prussia shrugged. "Dunno."

"Ah, Canada! There you are!" France walked over and sat down next to them. "I've been looking for you! Bonne anniversaire, mon petit."

"Merci."

"Canada, do all of your citizens like maple syrup?" France randomly asked.

"I don't think so. Why?"

France smirked. "We'll have to _see_ rup about that." Prussia started laughing. At the same time, a whole bunch of Nations and Capitals came back through the door with a whole bunch of cans- and in Italy's case, canned pasta, while England shouted at them (with Japan as moral support) to get a brain.

"Isn't July the 1st when Hong Kong was returned to China?" Prussia randomly piped up.

France looked at him. "How did you know that?"

He shrugged- again. "Seems that I'm paying more attention to the others now that my awesome empire is..."

"70 years..." France nodded in agreement.

"Hola!" Spain came walking by, dragging Hong Kong over. "Since you all seem to be celebrated July the 1st, how about we all talk together?"

 _BEEEP. BEEEP. BEEEP. BEEEP. BEEEP. BEE-_

"Aah! Stop beeping, watch!" Ottawa said to himself and the watch as he turned it off and checked the time. His eyes widened. "Shoot. I'm gonna be late." He looked back at the rest of the group. "Sorry, but I have to run back to the meeting."

"The meeting?" Prussia questioned. "This meeting's more awesome than yours because the awesome Prussia is here!"

"Other meeting with Washington D.C," Ottawa replied. "Oh yeah, Vancouver, don't forget about our date!"

The few Nations in the corner stared at him, while Vancouver glared. Ottawa sweat dropped.

"Oops?"

"Ohonhonhonhonhon..."

"BYE GUYS!" Ottawa shouted before sprinting for the door, leaving Vancouver to be interrogated by France.

"I... OTTAWA YOU IDIOT!" Vancouver yelled. He pulled out his phone and speed-dialled Montreal before booking it out of the place too. "REPLACE ME!" Was all he shouted before running out the door. Canada's eyes widened.

"Wait, Vancouver, don't-"

 _SLAM._

"-close the door."

Now the door was closed, with all the Nations and Capitals inside (plus Montreal, who randomly popped up in front of Canada a few second earlier) and the glitter was still stuck on it. Once again, Copenhagen tried opening the door, but ended up slamming himself against it- again.

"There goes my freedom..." He muttered.

"I didn't know your Capital dated with other Cities," France told Canada as Hong Kong and Prussia walked out of the corner.

Canada blushed slightly. "I didn't either."

 **Yea, I added Hong Kong in here last minute since apparently July 1st was also the Handover when control over Hong Kong was changed from the United Kingdom to China. I'm not sure how exactly he's supposed to feel about that, though.**

 **Canned pasta. Does canned pasta actually exist?**

 **Ah, the PruCan and Franada fluff. Feel free to interpret it as you wish. Yes, I made Ottawa and Vancouver dating because I actually didn't know how to end this chapter, but I needed Copenhagen back on the door and the doors closed, so yeah.**

 **I might do another one of these things for America's 4th of July but I'm not entirely sure yet..? If I do, it'll be the last one before hopping back to the normal story.**

 **Translations:**

 **Bonne anniversaire- Happy anniversary (French)**

 **Merci- Thank you (French)**

 **Hola- Hi (Spanish)**

 **Puns:**

 **Canaday- Anothee fail when my friend was trying to say "Canada Day." Same for Can Day. It's not really a pun, but whatever.**

 **Tearrific- Terrific.**

 **Turkey- Should be self-explanatory.**

 **We're not out in the _prairie_ , much less a _grande_ one- Grande Prairie's name. **

**Do you sea that Otterwa- Replace "sea" with "see" and "Otterwa" with "Ottawa." Yeah, it was last minute and a bit ducky.**

 **I think all of the can puns are self-explanatory.**

 **Seerup- Syrup.**


	5. Chapter 4

**Writing this chapter while listening to Sonic music. I've never realized how much I missed these songs... I'M THE KNIIIIIIIIIGHT OF THE WIIIND-**

 **Oh, and to Toesz: For the pairings, I'm glad you think that way! That's what I was aiming for, but I've read reviews for stories, and... Well, let's just say some people think otherwise. (You guys can have your opinion, I'm not bashing on ya or anything. If, say PruCan was your OTP, you might've taken it as shipping, but since I don't ship, I really wouldn't know XD). The pairing warning was just in case anyone went overdramatic with the friendliness and also hated the pairing. Don't need no flamers/spammers around here. Although, I am wondering, should I add a bit of romance in here? It definitely won't be the main focus, but there's not much one can do stuck in a room with a whole bunch of others- oh wait, they can...**

 **If things go really, REALLY slow from now, it's because I have a TON of things to do (yeah, I'm not getting my summer break until August...). Got exam (that I only got two months to learn this GIANT textbook AAAAAAH), beta-reading Dewott17's story (I say s/he should re-write it, s/he says s/he's too lazy), beta-reading Raguele's story as well, piano, and the rapidly multiplying blot-bunnies and planning for stories in Hetalia, Mario, Sonic AND Pokemon fandoms. Mainly Hetalia, though. And a bit of Vocaloid. I've never been so inspired before. Plus, once I go back to China (August the 13th), I don't know if fanfiction works with Chinese wifi (no Google, no Instagram, no YouTube...), so that may be why I won't update for a LONG while. Just a heads up.**

 **Oh, yeah. I realized I made a mistake in chapter 1. Apparently, "I don't Hetalia." Yeah, guys! I do not Hetalia, whatever that means! If anyone out there's angry, I'll put a proper disclaimer here to make you happy.**

 ** _THE REAL DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN HETALIA. I DON'T OWN PUNS. I DON'T OWN KNIGHT OF THE WIND. ON THE OTHER HAND, I DO OWN MY HAND._**

 **There. Happy?**

 **I also realized I made a MAJOR plot hole at one point. So, this is to fix it! And continue the story, too. Yeeeaaaah. This is the first time I haven't pre-planned a story by writing it down. It takes too long and I usually lose interest in the story BEFORE I write the actual story itself. It's all in my head, so details get mixed up and disappear. Next time, I should READ my chapters before continuing on...**

 **I really need to make these AN's shorter...**

 **Warnings: Mentions of killing yourself (suicide, so if that ain't good for ya, skip everything after "meanwhile.") and breaking the fourth wall. Wait, what fourth wall? Aren't there only three walls in life?**

Chapter 4: If You're Happy and You Know It, Make a Pun!

"So..."

The Nations and Capitals were all silent as they all realized their only escape was glued shut again.

"Well, I gotta go find a pan for China, so if ya guys want to start finding a way to break down the door, go for it!" America shouted, breaking the silence and running off somewhere else in the room. Too bad breaking the silence couldn't break down the door.

Germany sighed. Wasn't America supposed to help them get out of this damned meeting room? He was the one who got all the glitter on the door, after all... Oh, and Italy too, but Germany couldn't find him in the room. Well, he had to be somewhere. He would just have to find him later.

"Wait a tick," England said just as America dashed off. "The door wasn't always glittery and sticky before."

France scoffed. "Of course we know that, Angleterre. It was before Amérique dropped the vial."

"No! Not that!" England snapped. "Don't you remember?!"

"I do," Beijing popped up. "I think, in the second chapter, all of us -well, mainly yīng guó- were kicking, punching or touching the door, and it didn't have sticky things on it." He coughed. "But in chapter 3, dān mài de glove got stuck and no one could touch the door, but the Author never said why."

" **DON'T MENTION ME!** " The Author -AKA me- shouted from the computer screen into the story.

"...Did you just break the fourth wall?" England demanded, eye twitching, "because I am not going to fix another wall for thi-"

"AUGH!" Madrid shouted, and jumped away from a wall, which now had a huge crack.

"...I think that was just a warning," Romania

told everyone who could hear him. "Let's not talk about that anymore."

"But we need to figure out how the door suddenly got glittery and sticky-"

"I said _let's not talk about that anymore_ ," Romania hissed at Beijing, fangs showing. He gulped.

"Hey! I think I, like, figured out why the door is all, like, sticky!" Poland exclaimed. "I don't think you would believe it, but, like, look up!"

Looking up, Germany saw two Capitals balancing on window frames next to the door and pouring buckets of something down the door. One he immediately recognized.

" _ **BERLIN!**_ " Germany and Prussia shouted at the same time, but for different reasons.

" _What are you doing?!_ " Germany continued.

"Hey, sweet! Can I join you?" Prussia asked at the same time. However, Germany's voice blocked out much of Prussia's, since he was -quite obviously- very angry.

"...Busted," Berlin's partner in crime, Oslo, muttered.

"Let's get out of here!"

"GET BACK HERE!"

 _An hour running around the conference room later..._

In a corner of the room, Germany stood over the chairs where Berlin and Oslo were tied onto by rope. Buckets of maple syrup and butter were sitting at the side.

"Well, so much for laying Os _low_ ," Oslo sighed.

"So-"

"If they don't tell us the information, can I beat them up?" Russua innocently asked, a dark aura surrounding him and magical pipe of doom in his hands.

"You should, dear brother... But before that..." Belarus creeped over. "MARRY ME!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"Russia screamed in fright, then ran off, Belarus at his heels.

"I-I'll explain everything," Oslo offered, before he could get beaten into a pulp by Russia, get knifed by Belarus for not listening to her brother, or just to stop the glares from the other Nations and Capitals. "We were dumping buckets -well, two- of maple syrup and butter down the door. It mixed with the glitter, so it got all sticky, and-"

"-and it turned pink because the glitter was pink," Berlin added.

"Why did you do it?" Iceland asked, relatively calm.

"I was bored," Oslo said.

"It was his idea," Berlin nodded towards Oslo.

"Hey! You joined me!"

"You wanted me to join!"

"But you still joined!"

"Yeah, and?"

"And?"

"And what?"

"What?"

"What what?"

"Wait, what?"

"Wait, what what?!"

Germany walked away from the scene, slowly getting a headache from the two Capitals yelling at each other. _Berlin is led around by others too much... Maybe I should have Prussia teach him..._

He decided to find his two former allies- Italy and Japan. They needed some sort of plan, and if no one else was going to do anything, he would do it.

"Japan-"

"Hey, Japan!" South Korea jumped over to Japan before Germany could continue talking to him. "Listen to mee!!"

"Hai?" Japan asked South Korea, not hearing Germany over his incredibly loud brother.

 _Are they brothers?_ Germany asked himself. _They were both raised by China, but..._

"I made a pan for you in January! I call it a Jan-pan!" Korea exclaimed, waving a pan around. "But, since in giving it to you, I think you should call it a Ja-pan!"

Both Germany and Japan had "..." in a text bubble floating above their heads.

"Hey, SK!" America shouted and ran over to him. "Can I borrow that pan? China's real pissed off at me for getting his pan stuck in the Great Glitter Goop of Americanness!"

"No way, da-ze!" South Korea shouted, swiping the pan away from him. "This is Japan's Ja-pan!"

"Wait, what?" America blinked.

"That's right! PUNS WERE MADE IN SOUTH KOREA!" South Korea shouted.

"...Oh, yeah, by the way," America said with a blank look on his face, "you should stop making those sucky puns if you don't want to keep on going _south_!"

This time it was Korea's turn to join Germany and Japan's club of having the "..." text bubble float above their heads.

"Eh? No reaction? Sweet! Gimme the pa-"

"OKAY, THAT'S IT!" South Korea shouted. Swinging the pan furiously, he continued, "NOW I GET WHY BUGHAN HATES YOU SO MUCH!"

"Eep! Don't kill me! You're my idol!" America tried to pacify South Korea, but it ended in failure.

Shaking his head, Germany turned to Japan. "I'm going to find Italy so we can create a plan to stop dieser Wahnsinn. Will you come?"

"Hai," Japan nodded, as they tried to find Italy. That proved hard for the duo, mainly since it was Italy who found them and not the other way around.

Suddenly, Switzerland approached the duo, a list and pen in hand. "Germany, Japan."

"Yes?" Germany asked.

"Have you two made any puns yet?"

"I don't think so," Germany said. He looked over to his shorter companion. "Have you?" Japan shook his head. Switzerland checked something off the list.

"But there are Ger _many_ puns you can make with West's name!" Prussia jumped into the conversation.

"Why are you here?" Germany eyed his brother.

"Oh, don't _Switz_ erland the topic!" Prussia continued.

"We'll be leaving now, so-"

"Wait, don't P _russ_ ia out of here!" Prussia said quickly.

"Do you want me to shoot you?!" Switzerland shouted, rapidly pulling out a handgun out of nowhere.

"Do you know where Italy-kun is?" Japan asked Prussia.

He blinked. "Oh, Italien? I think he's somewhere with Venice and Vienna. Conference table."

"I wonder why Venice is here, though," Japan mused. "She isn't exactly a Capital."

"She's Italy's Capital," Prussia shrugged. "Or, North Italy's. But then, there was Vancouver here and now Montreal. And I think I saw New York somewhere around here. But none of them are as awesome as the awesome me!"

Germany promptly walked away, Japan scurrying after him and muttering some "thank you's" to Prussia. They managed to find Venice, Vienna and Italy sitting together and chatting. Sort of.

"Hey, Venice," they heard Vienna say. "You know how people confuse us, right?"

"Yes..."

"I learned some French!"

"Uh..." Venice was confused. "What does that have to do with our names?"

"If someone mixes us up, I'll ask them to _Vien_ na ici!" Vienna exclaimed.

Venice was even more confused, Italy right behind her. "...What? I don't get it."

"Ve~ Me neither!" Italy chirped.

Germany and Japan also sweat-dropped.

"I think France would be the only person to get it," Germany said.

"I feel like there's someone else..." Japan mumbled to himself.

Vienna sighed. "It's a pun in French. Vien ici means "come here." So, Vienna ici."

Venice was still confused. "But wouldn't that mean you should come to my place and not the other way around?"

Italy was even further behind his Capital. "Wait, what?"

Vienna facepalmed.

"Hey, West!" Prussia ran up to Germany before he could talk to Italy, much to Germany's annoyance. "Did you make a pun yet?"

"Nein," Germany rolled his eyes. "Didn't you hear earlier?"

Prussia grinned. "Well, I-"

Suddenly, a crash erupted.

"I'M FREE!" Berlin shouted, and made a beeline for the maple syrup buckets stacked in a corner. Germany and Prussia glanced over to his chair, and found that he'd -somehow- untied it and burst up from his chair.

"Hej! Wait for me!" Oslo shouted from his chair, Norway staring him down and giving him a lecture.

"H-hey! Come back!" Berlin's guard, Lithuania, shouted and chased after him. Right before Berlin could touch the maple syrup, Montreal and Canada slid in front of him.

"No way! This is our syrup!" Montreal shouted. "Or do you want to taste hockey stick?!"

"Y-you can just leave now and we can give you a bucket when this is all over..." Canada suggest timidly.

"Yes, please!" Berlin shouted.

Germany dashed over. "You are not getting sugar high again!"

"Then I can have some, da?"

"Maple syrup was made in Korea!"

"No it isn't, aru!"

"Maple syrup is tasty... Just like-"

"Oh, don't you dare start, you frog!"

"Tasty just like hamburgers, right?"

"MY BUTTER!"

"Is it tasty like pasta?"

"CHURROS!"

"TOMATOES!"

"VODKAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Vodka isn't food, commie!"

"FISH!"

"TURKEY!"

"YOU'RE NOT ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO EAT ME!"

"Pianos are better!"

"Butt out!"

"TASTE MY FRYING PAN, B-"

"PIE!"

"FISH AND CHIPS!"

"FOOD FIGHT!"

And then everyone starting throwing everything everywhere.

 _Meanwhile..._

London slapped a hand onto his face. "These guys are all idiots..."

New York nodded his head. "Agreed."

The two were standing on top of the conference table, dodging food left and right, as everyone entered the Food Wars, while hurling pencils to defends themselves.

"Too bad we can't put our plan into use since everyone's fighting... And wasting a whole bunch of food," London sighed. "I feel bad for whoever' hosting this."

New York shrugged. "I think it's America. But I dunno." His eyes then glazed over a bit.

London's eyes widened, running over and shaking New York. "No! New York! Don't die on me! I need you to be my "smartest cities" buddy! You can't leave me now!"

New York stood up straight and laughed. "Hey, calm down. I'm not dying yet. But I've got a plan." A sinister grin plastered itself on his face. "Just follow my lead."

"Are you sure?"

"Definitely. Just copy me." With the loudest voice he could muster, he shouted, "if you're happy and you know it, kill yourself!" He then clapped twice.

London then gave him a incredulous look. "We're doing that?! That's suicide! ...You know what I mean."

New York shrugged again. "It works, at least. And we can't be bigger buffoons than them now. Plus, we can't die even if we wanted to, unless if someone actually bombs our city or something. Do it with me!"

In unison, they both shouted, "IF YOU'RE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT, KILL YOURSELF!" _Clap clap._

Now, they had the attention of some of the Nations and Capitals.

"IF YOU'RE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT, KILL YOURSELF!" _Clap clap._

Now, some of them even joined in.

"IF YOU'RE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT, AND YOU REALLY WANT TO DO IT, IF YOU'RE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT, KILL YOURSELF!" _Clap clap._

"WOOHOOO! Encore!" America shouted. England shot an incredulous look to America and the two Cities.

"Okay, so everyone listen up! We need a plan. But before we make that plan, we really need to clean up. Look at all this mess!" New York pointed to the ground. "I know there's a hidden washroom in here, the US of A should know where, since this is his place."

"You betcha!" America shouted. "It even has showers! So we can all clean off and clean up all of this yummy awesome super-duper scrumptulicious food!"

"Alright!" London shouted. "Let's get-"

Suddenly, he saw Belarus in the corner, a knife pointed at her own throat and smiling maliciously.

London froze. He panicked. Jumping off the conference table, he shouted, "WE DIDN'T MEAN IT LITERALLY! DON'T DIE! DON'T KILL YOURSELF!"

He leapt, high in the air...

...and promptly landed in a pile of sludge. Belarus cackled and tossed the knife over her head, nearly hitting Liechtenstein in the process.

London lifted his head up, seeing the grins and hearing the cackles of everyone. "THIS ISN'T FUNNY!"

 **Venice and Vienna identity crisis. Because I kept on getting them mixed up when I was little.**

 **Also, apparently Americanness is a real word, according to my online dictionary on my phone. Spellcheck is cool with it too. I dunno. Maybe it's because I'm Canadian.**

 **YES 3K WORDS YEAAA-**

 **Translations:**

 **Angleterre: England (French)**

 **Amérique: America (French)**

 **Yīng guó: England (Chinese)**

 **Dān mài: Denmark (Chinese)**

 **Hai: Yes (Japanese)**

 **Bughan: North Korea (Korean)**

 **Dieser Wahnsinn: This madness (German)**

 **Italien: Italy (German. Or you could say that it's Italian in French but then you'd have to wonder why Prussia would be speaking French XD)**

 **Hej: Hey (Norwegian)**

 **Puns (not many this time around, but with what I've thinking, there should be a bomb in the next two chapters or so):**

 **Os _low_ : Laying low.**

 **Ja-pan: I know, this is horrible. I don't think I need to explain this. I don't think I need to explain any of them, actually.**

 **Keep on going south: Refernce that Korea (Republic of Korea) was originally going to be South Korea. Or is he? I don't know, there no North Korea and it's basically a fact that Korea is South Korea but there was controversy... You know what, nevermind. Let's just pretend that Korea is South Korea.**

 **Ger _many_ : Many in Germany.**

 ** _Switz_ erland the topic: Switch the topic. **

**Next chapter: They make a plan. And a whole bunch of groups. Unfortunately, something... odd starts to happen. Maybe odd is a bit of an understatement...**


End file.
